Thailand….
I love it so far. I have met so many wonderful people and I’m sure that is why. I met a Japanese man named Kensuki who I am totally inspired my. A great hippy, who makes beautiful jewelry and buys and sells gems in different countries. And Sophie a life time traveler, since she was a little girl. She said a monk on her bus fell in love with her, and she showed me the gifts he gave her. After getting to know her I could certainly understand why.
I am still several months out from getting the fuck out of this hellhole, but its getting easier. But at a cost to productivity. I won't go into the details of that. No one tends to believe me anyways....
I am lacking inspiration, and am using all of the energy I have to block out the shit on a daily basis. I have been partaking in white drugs occasionally and they have actually helped a bit. I am fighting my constant temptation to move somewhere new and start all the way over again. I can't do that anymore. I need to go somewhere where I already have a bit of a support system.
First on the list is Portland, and this is where I should and will be going. All of my strengths are there now. Second is Los Angeles, where there are people that believe in me and money to be made, but at the cost of daily grind sanity. And third is Chicago, which would be a new place for me but a place where I would have people to be creative with all of the time and new experiences to be had. I am fighting this one as it is obviously the most impractical. Then after that is all escapist romanticized thoughts of experiencing and living many different lives in places like Big Sur, Iceland, Prague, various places in Asia and South America, and islands here and there.
But Portland is what it will be. My settling point.
I'm curious what kind of Portland I will be returning to. Since I left in 2010, Portland has become an over-saturated media caricature and I worry that the stuff I like about it will now be tainted by new people trying to reinforce that caricature, the reason they moved there.
I am trying to get some music projects off of the ground in order to stay productive and keep my minds off sadness and regrets. Im staying away from Alcohol as much as I can stand it. I dont like it as much as I used to. I'm starting to exercise daily and it will become working-out daily very shortly.
I have had some nights hanging out with girls, and had some offers to go home with them, but I am happy to report that I politely declined. I have the post-relationship hornies like no one's business, but I am also not ready/motivated enough to start penetrating strangers yet. I am not going to let myself get into any sort of real relationship with a girl for a long time either. I need to fix/work on myself/my life before subjecting another female to the neurotic tendencies of ME. Plus I want to grow my hair long for awhile.
I really want to have a night of meeting all of my friends at Shanghai Tunnel and having an old-fashioned sort of night. I really miss having a group of friends. I have been hanging out by myself for almost the last two years (not counting girlfriend time) and I am starting notice how it is effecting me socially. The sad part is that I think we are at the age where we don't get to do the group hangouts anymore. Girls and Jobs ruin everything.
Im trying to get myself back in the mode of not giving a shit and just being myself all of the time, but in the process, fazing out particular aspects of my personality that I know bums people out. I can be a bit hard on people sometimes. I need to stop being so hard on myself too.
Thanks to Eric who has continued to be there for me, even when I have been acting like a crazy weirdo. It means everything to feel like you have someone on your side.
I went a little wild the last few days. Japan is expensive and I want to travel it but things like the $240 bullet train ride I took today are death to my budget (thought I did go a few hundred kilometers in 2 hours, awesome!). So I thought about hitchhiking. Japanese and travelers alike told me I would not get picked up, and I believed it. But my hunt for cheapness kept me going so I looked it up on wiki travel, and built the courage to give it a shot.
So last night I was told was one year since the tsunami hit Japan. I want to say the anniversary but I have always hated that word being used for bad things. Today I found myself wondering amazing an graveyard here in Kyoto, behind a Buddhist temple. And the day before the anniversary I spen many hours in an art museum writing about death and decomposing, thoughts inspired by the featured artist Fuyuko Matsui.
So I got to Japan about 3 days ago, I would say I am a little bored but really I have done a ton, it is hard to meet people sometimes, I think it will get easier after I get used to traveling. Tonight I met a real nice older Japanese man who I’m bunking with, Yuasa, he worked real hard to speak English with me, which I’m very thankful for. I’d say we talked about 2 hours and in that time I bought a bus ticket to Kyoto, and now plan to go to Osaka and maybe a little island called Naoshima.
Thought I do feel a bit lonely and like I spend most all of my time walking around, I have been challenging myself. I’ve been to a new city everyday and I have seen some really cool stuff. I’ve been letting my intuition guide me which has been great. This morning I found out Tokyo hostels were booked up, at least the few I checked so did some work on figuring out all these trains and got a ticket to Yokohama where I’m at, basically on a whim.
I have been using my intuition a lot wether it be getting un-lost in a city or deciding my course. On my first night here I went to sleep at 8pm mostly due to the time change and how much I partied the night before. So wouldn’t you know it I woke up at 3 am. I laid in bed till almost 5, then showered and broke out of my locked up house to go check out a temple I saw the night before on the way in. When I got there, no people, I kept thinking I’d see a guard or cop or something but not a one the whole time I was in Narita. Then around 530 or 6 people started to show up, so I followed them up a bunch of steps to a temple where there were buddhist or Shinto monks having church. A nice man invited me to join, I almost said no but came to my senses and went. It was about a half hour of chanting and ritualized flames, smoke, drums, prayers, and release; it was very cool. Later I found a maze of retired temples, gardens, forests, waterfalls and lakes all intermixed parts of one big holy place.
So as for where I stand right now? I walk so much. I guess that is what I do when I travel, walk! It’s healthy and I see a lot, but I’ll need to make friends to do things with during the days and some nights. I’m used to working to get time to think, now all I have is time to be in my brain, and I think I might go crazy! I also have not been out to eat once, which I’m fine with. The city I’m in is supposed to have really good Chinese food, so maybe I’ll get some tomorrow. And I’m sure I’ll have some restaurant Japanese at some point but at 10 to 15 dollars a plate I’m happy with 7/11 and supermarket food (and cliff bars), I’d rather spend the money on travel, and for the first few days I’m slightly under my 100 $ a day budget, woohoo!!!
Anyways things are going just the way they should be. I feel like I am adapting fast enough so that I can end up doing some pretty cool stuff.
Love you all