endysis dot org

The plan.

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 12:00:00 -0800

Giant wooden Santa, discovered in close proximity to the soccer champion.

Being on vacation, I was still in bed at 9am when I received a phonecall from an unknown number. I could tell by the area code that it was local, but I didn't answer, because cool kids screen their calls. The caller left a voicemail. Vision still hazy, I listen to the message.

Within a few moments, I realize that the keystone component to my ongoing equation is complete, a full day earlier than expected. Such a relief. I hang up the phone and go back to sleep, smiling.

Thirty minutes later, my phone rings again. I fumble grabbing it from the nightstand, but can see that it is my boss. Attempting to answer, I accidentally hit 'ignore.' Feeling dumb, I attempt to return the call. Busy. A voicemail appears. I listen. Sounds urgent. Gah.

I redial the number. My boss answers.

"I hate to call you on vacation, but there's some news ..."

I gnash teeth a bit.

"your promotion is set to take place at the start of the year."

Shit yes. Epic news. I get all the details, thank her for the wonderful communique and hang up. I got a title change (senior level!), 20% more pay and get this -- my duties don't change. More cash for doing the same job I'm doing. Level up!

I haven't even started my day and things are indescribably awesome. Thusly, I throw some Analord on, shower and hit the pavement to Beavercreek, Or. My mission is to obtain the aforementioned keystone -- a custom made reel. The city was getting assaulted by rain and was subsequently jam-packed with angry holiday drivers. Brake Brake Gas Gas Gas Brake Honk Gas Honk. 30 infuriating minutes later, the sky opens up and traffic disappears as I enter a particularly scenic interstate. Perfect.

An hour later, I'm in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but gorgeous farmland and deserted pavement. Driving entirely too fast on a narrow (but well maintained!) road, I eventually locate the address and drive down a gravel driveway towards a small warehouse. Exiting the car, I knock on a windowless door and am let in promptly. Graciously greeted by three employees, I am presented with the View-master reel and a View-master to inspect the results. I hold it to my eyes, pointing it towards the skylight and am greeted with beautifully illuminated pictures. Again, perfect.

I thank the staff profusely. They were extremely accommodating and pleasant to deal with. Keystone in hand, I strut to my car and get the fuck out of dodge.

Spraypaint complete

The night prior, I had put the finishing touches on a related item -- a painting. Essentially, I wanted to do another canvas / stencil project with a View-master as the subject. Since View-masters are dependent on light, I thought I would incorporate a few strategically placed white LEDs, so that the painting could act as a nightlight as well.

I had planned on ordering all the parts online, but thankfully, I found an amazing cache of surplus parts at a local business. It's called Surplus Gizmos and completely delivers what it promises. It's a big warehouse of surplus electronic parts. Their website doesn't even begin to relay the sheer awesomeness of the place. After spending about 2 hours perusing their wares, I walked out with a supply of LEDs, resistors, some cool vintage switches, an old keyboard, two 9v power supplies and massive inspiration to build electronic things (guitar pedals, anyone?)

LEDs + resistors mounted.

Anyway, I struggled with how to construct the painting. After destroying one canvas in the name of discovery and science, I discovered that the best way to incorperate the LEDs was to surface mount them to the canvas. Using a spacer, the reel would be elevated above the LEDs and the light would shine through the reel slides. I didn't want it to be readily apparent that there were LEDs in the painting when it wasn't on, so I had to be fairly crafty and work in a very small space. Using a tiny bit of Velcro, I could quickly change the reels as well, which is key.

Using my trusty Dremel, I punched a hole in the side of the canvas to accept the switch which would turn the lights on and off. Realizing that fingerprints would be an issue when using the switch, I realized a black border was necessary. Furthermore, I didn't want to require the painting to be plugged in, so I got some molex plugs and made the power source swappable -- you can plug in a 9v battery or plug it into the wall. After wiring everything up, I set the canvas aside, as I had stencils to cut.

The stencil itself was to be a four-layer / four-color dealie. The shapes were pretty simple, so unlike my last Xmas stencil, no heroic efforts or performance enhancing drugs were necessary in order to xacto it out. Once cut, I sprayed everything. I had already spent upwards of 15 hours researching and prepping the canvas, so each layer was sprayed with the utmost care. Botching things would have been unforgivable and probably required ritual seppuku or at least a self-inflicted uppercut to the junk. Thankfully, everything turned out. Much better than expected, even.

Completed!

Two days before Christmas, I had the painting, a custom View-master reel, an 80s era View-master (thanks internet!) and my secret weapon -- I was all set.

Ms. Kim and I woke on Christmas Eve day at 5am PST. The plan was to be on the road at 6:30am. Due to some packing difficulties and a few pit stops, we got on I-5 at 7am to traverse the state of Oregon, back to our motherland. That morning, I absolutely conquered the freeway with Kim's 3 series BMW, making the trip in 4 hours (INCLUDING a 30 minute stop for gas / breakfast). My fastest time yet. Not that I was racing or anything ...

Frozen puddle found on the homestead.

Christmas day started at 9am. My father was very proud of the fact that he had planted the Christmas tree by seed years ago. I will admit that it was glorious. We drank Irish coffee and took turns opening presents. I gave Kim the View-master painting equipped with a 1970s Busch Gardens reel. She squealed.

Fogged in.

Among other wonderful gifts (Fender Blender!) I received, she gave me a vintage pachinko machine, which absolutely blew my socks off. From the late 70s, it's still perfectly functional and in supreme condition. It's completely mechanical, driven by gravity and all sorts of crazy levers and chutes and things. Indescribably rad.

70s era Montreal Olympics themed Nishijin pachinko machine.

Later that afternoon, we ventured out to Kim's mom's place. Before we left, I grabbed my bulky jacket and insisted that Kim bring something warm. We ate dinner among a strange mix of family and friends. We exchanged gifts and generally chatted about for a few hours. Eventually, it got dark and foggy, so we decided to jet. As we made the trek back home, I informed Kim that we would be heading to Ashland to grab a drink with the crew. She moaned about being tired. Perfect.

Closeup Pachinko.

Eventually, we arrive in the deserted Ashland plaza around 9pm. I pull into a spot, put the car in park. I inform kim that suddenly, I don't feel like getting a drink. But since we drove all the way out here, we could at least take a quick walk around the park, since it was a bitter cold but gorgeously clear night. We held hands and walked to the Lithia Park bandshell, a place where years earlier, I had botched a first kiss and gotten horribly embarrassed.

We laughed as we walked around the bandshell. There was only one problem, the bandshell had no lighting -- it was quite dark. I assumed there would be some lights. I needed lights. Crap.

Improvising, I slowly start walking up the grass towards the fountain. It's winter and the fountain is drained, but there were numerous lights. One could say, in the light fog, that it was glowing.

We arrived after ascending some steps. Kim pranced around the edge of the fountain while I fumbled with my jacket. She did a twirl and walked around to my side and sat down. From my pocket, I produced a View-master loaded with my custom reel. Looking confused, she put it to her eyes. I watched her smile as she realized what the reel contained -- pictures of her and I, spanning our lengthy courtship. She clicked through them til the end. Looking up at me, she asked me how I did that.

I told her to pull the reel out and look at the label. As she looked down, deciphering the EFF + KRJ = ? equation, I produced my secret weapon -- a diamond motherfucking ring (thanks, bulky jacket!). When she looked back at me, I took a knee and attempted to ask if she would marry me. We both got a little tripped up in terms of communication, but it was readily apparent that she was accepting my offer. Perfect.

Back in October, I said that I might be finishing up the best couple months of my life. I was lying. I wasn't finishing them up, I was just getting started. Life is but a dream. I love you all.

ps -- 2010!

Correlation is not causation.

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:20:00 -0800

It may be too early to say, and not to jinx things, but I may be finishing up the best couple months of my life, to date. Coincidentally, they've been some of the most stressful that I've endured.

Much of the goodness comes in terms of my job. I still can't say 'my career' without wincing a bit. To me, 'career' implies a certain achievement or status, something that I'm not quite ready to call my own. But I might be getting close.

Obligatory coastal sunset shot.

I've been on fire the past couple of weeks. We had a crazy project that needed to get done post-haste, prior to the holiday season. This project involved a lot of moving parts and in the end, five critical systems would be depending on it (see also: Achilles heel). Because it was so critical, there could be absolutely no fuckups. As we marched towards go-live, we came across some pretty severe issues. For the first time in my professional experiences, I felt completely confident in my abilities -- there wasn't a problem that I didn't solve with ease. I felt like an electric wizard, equipped with a Model M, dishing out miracle spells to the sweet soundtrack of machine-gun keyboarding. Or something like that.

We finally flipped the switch, early and under budget. It was an astounding success and it feels fucking great.

Smokestack in Garibaldi, Or. There's a tree growing inside.

Additionally, in the midst of the chaos, I got a fat bonus and that raise I wanted. I was surprised, considering the fact we just went through some major layoffs and I thought that wages had been frozen. I've also heard rumors of a promotion as well. The last promotion netted me a 23% raise, which nearly made me shit my pants, but I'm not holding my breath. To be honest, I'm just stoked to have a job that affords me enough extra fundage to buy something totally dumb and self indulgent every once and awhile.Caked out, son.

"Hey Kim, come look at this asshole."

My life outside of work has been nothing short of a dream. For the first time in 3 years, I dipped into my 'paid time off' bucket and took some vacation days. Ms. Kim and I both took a week off. Our goal was to do as little as possible -- to have an entire week of 'lazy Sundays.' We almost achieved our goal. During the later part of the week, we packed the Bimmer and hit the road to the coast. Last Christmas, Ms. Kim's employer dropped her a gift certificate to a coastal inn, so we thought we'd take advantage of it before the 9 months of winter set in.

We could have spread the money out and stayed two days, but we opted instead to get the best room in the whole establishment -- it had a staircase and a jacuzzi. Classy. After exploring the beach, consuming some good food, drinking some good booze and catching a tiny bit of sleep, we packed the car up and hit the road. Our goal was to travel the entire coastal length of Oregon in one fell swoop.

Highway 38 / 138

With the windows half-cracked, sunroof open and 8 hours of handcrafted mixes, we blazed down Highway 101, through some of the most beautiful parts of Oregon. We frequently drove too fast through the coastal roads, but it just wasn't enough -- before we knew it, it was already late afternoon and we weren't even halfway down the coast. We opted to cut back via Highway 38 / 138 to Interstate 5 and continue the trek down to the family farm.

What it does, Winter?

We were sad to say goodbye to the coast, but highway 38 was an absolute joy to drive. Minimal traffic, newish pavement and gorgeous terrain. Perfect.

After surviving the drudgery of I-5, Kim and I made it to my parent's house at a reasonable hour, made some stiff (hard?) cocktails and hit the hot-tub to stargaze. The next morning, I awoke and everyone was gone -- my parents were at work and Kim was out visiting her family. With some good music, a camera and some sunshine, I took the opportunity to go explore the homestead, something I haven't done in far too long.

An old Lincoln, crushed and mangled, embedded in the side of a hill in a remote portion of the homestead.

Everything seems smaller. I think that being able to visualize property lines killed my childhood picture of infinite wilderness. I was pleased to see that many of the old trails are still there. Deer and cattle find very efficient ways through the woods. As I traversed an open field, I stopped in the middle to remove my headphones and listen -- complete silence, save for some wind. I really miss that.

Treeblood.

Later that evening, the four of us went to see Mr. James Taylor at the Jackson Country Expo. We drank overpriced wine and water and listened to him belt out all the classics. He played a few newer tunes, but he knew what the crowd came to see and stuck to his back catalog. After all, we payed good money to hear 'Fire and Rain'. James is getting old as fuck, but he's still got a wonderful voice, charming personality and guitar skillz. He put on a great show. A very nice way to end the summer.

Gulch.

Ms. Kim and I ventured back to Portland the next day to prepare for our return to the working class. Before that could happen, though, I had to attend the wonderfully bizarre Portland Retro Gaming Expo 2009 with Sledg.

Treehouse.

I picked Sledg up in the late morning. We traveled towards the waterfront, in search of a specific hotel convention room. I couldn't recall the name of the hotel, so in order to find the place, we had to rely on our tracking abilities. We noticed a few stray flocks of nerds and noted their migratory patterns. They seemed to converge on a specific hotel lobby. We made chase and found that our hunch paid off -- we had arrived.

As we made our ways towards the conference room, we were greeted by folks running the admission tables. For a measly $10, we were given a wristband, a handstamp and let through the (no shit) velvet ropes, released into a sea of nostalgia and nerdstink.

The room itself was about 1/2 the size it should have been, considering the number of people that were in attendance. The room was a nerdmaze of tables, each one piled up with it's own special blend of wares. From Intellevision to Lynx to Virtual Boy and even a Atari Video Music, it was all there, much of it for sale. Some folks were in costumes, some were unbathed, but everyone was swarming in this agoraphobic nightmare. I only brought $20, so my buying options were limited. I ended up snagging up my favourite controller ever, the NES Advantage, as well as a homemade P-Wing magnet.

Posted up.

After circling the place twice, the competitions began. We took that as our cue to get the fuck out of there. As we exited the room, we noticed a table in the corner with a really old pachinko machine on it. We stepped closer to investigate. The man sitting behind the table saw our enthusiasm and explained his restoration. After looking at the innards of it, I was ready to leave. Sledg was taking some pictures, so I continued to shoot the shit with the man. Out of nowhere, he produced two Missile Command Atari cartridges. He held them close to my face and explained that one of the carts were real and the other fake. He asked if I could tell which one was fake.

After studying the carts for a moment, it became apparent that one of them had some Photoshop work done -- the missile commander's face had been replaced with the visage of the very man holding the cartridges.

He was pleased that we could identify the differences. He continued to talk. As it turns out, this man has made two attempts to break the world record high-score for Missile Command. Both times, after over 24 hours of straight gameplay, the machine malfunctioned.

Knowing very little of the arcade high-score community, other than what I have seen in King of Kong, I mention that he should suspect foulplay. Jokingly, I suggest that Walter Day may have been the saboteur. As I speak the name, his eyes light up. Out of nowhere, he produces a copy of a Twin Galaxies Book of World Records book. He opens the front cover to reveal a handwritten message from Walter Day himself. I didn't have time to read the whole thing, but it involved words like "sorry" and "next time."

Eventually, after more banter, we finally start to commence the polite conversation shutdown sequence. As we're finalizing things, I notice two glossy flyers on the table. I ask if I can take one. Again, his eyes light up. Apparently, his attempts at the high score were documented and eventually compiled. I ask if it's purely documentary. "It's more of a docutragedy," he replies.

I reach for the flyer, but he grabs it. "Let me autograph it for you. What is your favorite vintage arcade game?"

Being put on the spot, I say "Ms. Pac Man?" In reality, I think my favorite vintage game would be Tron, but that is a tough call.

He signs the card and asks Sledg the same question. He replies "Robot Ron." After getting a confused look, Sledg explains his lolfunnyjoke and gets his autograph. Both a little frazzled, we promptly hit the road, insert In a Major Way into the stereo and roll, hard as fuck, back to Sledg's house.

Alright. That's about all I have in me for the moment. More as it comes -- who knows what Winter holds.

And the Swami sayz

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 08:33:00 -0800

Pitchfork has been slowly revealing its top 200 albums of the 2000's all week and as usual its unimaginative and downright ridiculous in parts. They reveal the spots 20 through 1 on the list tomorrow. Here is my guess on what the Top 5 will look like. Keep in mind that these arent what I think the top 5 albums of the 2000's are, just what I think pitchfork will do.

1. Radiohead - Kid A
2. Panda Bear - Person Pitch
3. Outkast - Stankonia
4. The Strokes - Is This It
5. Animal Collective - Merriweather Pavilion

Wildcards (albums that I am aware that they are going to put high up on the list but doubt they would be in the top 5):
The Knife - Silent Shout
Broken Social Scene - s/t (would be surprised if they leave this off the list)
MF Doom - MM Food (If they dont put this on the list at all there is something wrong)
Pick a White Stripes Album, White Blood Cells I guess, or Elephant I suppose.
Sunn0))) - Black One (This is deserving and they love this album)

We shall find out tomorrow if I am right or not, but Im pretty confident Kid A is a lock.

my boss went to Japan and brought me back a pen...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:57:00 -0800

Back on the single boat... or is it a train? Wagon? Not sure.

The boy called it off a month ago, just shy of us making it to the (legitimate) one year mark... and I understand why he did it. There was no fuck up, no "I accidentally hooked up with some girl last weekend," nothing that deserves me hating him for. And I don't hate him. At all. His reason was honest, though not easy to hear: he loves me, we've been best friends for seven years (eight?), but he's not in love with me. And for all the effort I put into this relationship, he feels like he's ultimately cheating me out of finding someone who wants to be just as invested as I am by keeping us going. We've been having fun, but he sees no future in this, so it's better to end it and give us both the chance to find something that really makes us happy.

I'm stuck somewhere between wanting him to find that person that makes him happy (as his best friend) and then wanting him to be totally miserable and sad that he ended us (as the ex-girlfriend). But in truth, the best friend half of me wins out, and ultimately I just want him to be happy with his life, wherever and whoever that involves.

I love getting advice from people around me, about how I just have to go out there and meet people and maybe have a random hook-up or two; this is the most popular piece of advice, by far. Yes, by finding some random individual and jumping into the sack with them, I will miraculously be over Chris and everything we were. I'm thinking that's probably not gonna work. And just to prove my point, I may have given it a shot. I was right, that is not the solution.

Luckily, my road trip from Arkansas back to Oregon got pushed back and it ended up happening the week after the breakup. Excellent timing, as I wanted quite badly to get the eff out of town. Saw a lot of very interesting things on the drive. Did you know that porn and tattoos are illegal in Oklahoma? I've never been stopped by so many people to comment on my tattoos. In Portland everyone has them, so mine are no big deal. In OKC literally every place I went into I got at least three comments on them. Made me feel a little special. Also, I went to my first dueling piano bar. It was awesome. Why we don't have one in Portland is beyond me. I loved that place. It was grand. I am going to DC in October and we already scouted one out for one of the nights we're there. I'm excited. The largest cross in the Western Hemisphere resides in Texas (shocker) and we had to stop to see that. There were so many amazing photo ops, but since I wanted to get out of Texas alive, we decided to keep our comments and funny picture ideas to ourselves.

Hit LA and spent a couple nights there with my sister and her husband. 20th Century Props, one of the major prop houses in the city, was having a huge auction, so we took an afternoon to go look at all the lots. I saw trees that were used in the Wizard of Oz, Dr. Evil's desk, the windmill from Moulin Rouge, and some of the most random CSI/Malcolm in the Middle props ever. Very fun. Hit Six Flags, rodes some roller coasters, and enjoyed the nice warm sun while everyone up in Portland was melting during the extreme heat wave. By the time we hit San Jose I needed jeans and a sweatshirt to sit outside, and my roommate informed me that my cat was panting from the heat. Nice time to be out of Portland. Caught up with my friends and family in Medford for a night, then made it back to Portland exactly one week after flying out. Overall a good trip. I think I should take road trips more often.

Word is that this week is going to bring more God-awful heat... I'm sort of over this really hot hot stuff. Why can't it just stay in the 80s and call it good? Also, in recent weeks I have taken to watching a couple of great shows which I am now addicted to and will share with you:

Dexter
Mad Men
Californication
Arrested Development (I know, I know, I'm like the last person in the world to discover how hilarious this show is, and quite frankly I'm not sure why it took so long. But it is so great and I love it so much, I wish I weren't so behind the times with it... but the upside is, since I've only seen half of the first season, I have all the rest of it to watch and it will be new to me!!!!)

Did I mention I got a dog? I'm fostering him, long term. He is an overweight short-legged Jack Russell named Petey who, aside from his terrible breath, is a delight. The roomie and I are both loving his presence as he is a constant form of entertainment, and since she is newly single as well (which means her boyfriend moved out and my rent went up... grr...) we need all the entertainment we can get (hence the rash of new-show watching).

This is my life these days. It's not too exciting, but the roomie and I are really enjoying our current living situation, our new four-legged roommate, and making an effort to reconnect with old friends who may have been pushed aside during our respective relationships over the last year.

It's almost birthday time, and I think I might just skip it this year....

always.....

Still 26.

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 14:12:00 -0800

Champion. Found whilst exploring.

Themselves + my birthday: The opening act was pretty painful to observe, so people stood towards the walls. He played with intensity, but he meandered and his complicated hand gestures were distracting. While I had hoped to miss the opening act all together, it gave ample time to visit with a slew of friends (SLDG, JRLY, WSPY, [ASSOCIATED SPOUSES / LOVERS & ROOMMATES]) and sip on strong drinks. And a shot of fine Whiskey (ELI).

Everyone seemed pleased when the opener announced his last song. But before it could sink in, he continued to speak, adding: "It's basically a 15 minute improv". I heard Ms. Kim groan.

The set eventually fizzled out. Ms. Kim and I managed to grab a spot near the center of the stage. After a wait of what seemed like ages, Themselves finally came on and played a loud, abrasive set. They favored their new material, but mixed in some obscure favourites from their debut. Further detail would be a disservice to the spectacle. It was wonderful.

All in all, it was a spectacular way to spend my birthday.

The following weekend, Ms. Kim hosted a party at our place. Best party we've had to date, without a doubt.

Since it was hot as balls, I constructed a drink based on the teachings of a wise man named Jos. He bequeathed to me a most sacred recipe. Mixing mass quantities of ice, limes, vodka and a little sugar (IN A GIANT BOWL) yields a delicious, thirst-quenching drink. It is mostly alcohol, but you can't taste it. At all. Which can cause problem.

While we sat on the patio, I noticed Jerly had a tall glass of the stuff. Look where he ended up:

link a prayer*.

*It should be noted that the tye-dye 'beater JRLY is wearing hadn't been washed since it's initial dye-job on July 4th. Later, he would develop a terrible itch. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Many people (including myself), drank way too much of the troublesome drink. We partied for nearly 9 hours. I haven't had so much fun in ages.

While this is going on, Nicole was staying with us for the weekend. Ms. Kim's friend from the wayback, she was very easy to get along with. I didn't have to censor myself at all, which is nice, since I'm not very fucking good at it. Visiting from California, we decided to take her for a tour of the through the gorge the day after the party.

Washington can sit on a tack.

I drove. We took Ms. Kim's car, so I cruised well over the speedlimit most of the time. It was evident that we were all hungover from the previous night's antics, so it was a quiet trip overall.

It did give me a chance to play around with my new camera. Ms. Kim replaced my broken with with a nice point-and-shoot model. It has a strangest feature -- 'smile detection'. When triggered, this mode will identify all faces in the frame and detect just how much smile is showing. Once the smile meter hits a certain point, it snaps a shot.

After extensive testing, I've found that it doesn't work very well. Only a handful of the pictures taken with smile detection enabled were not completely horrible. In fact, they are pretty rad.

Keeping in the vein of awesome, after exhausting the local blockbuster of good(tm) things to view, I finally broke down and joined Netflix. I signed up after purchasing a most-wonderful product, the Roku box. I can steam commercial-free movies (some in HD) from Netflix's ever-growing online selection. They have an impressive selection -- I already have over 100 movies in my instant queue. I don't usually hype merchandise like this, but I don't care -- this thing is amazing. $100 for a small, simple box + remote and a $9/month account gets unlimited access to some impressive stuff. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

Okay. Enough shilling.

This past weekend was filled, to the brim, with a splendid visit from my parents. My father and I constructed a patio covering during the visitation. We traded sketches in the weeks prior and had things mostly planned, but we did have to improvise a bit. It uses wood harvested from the homestead and when you look at it from the inside, not a single screw is visible. I can cover it with shadecloth in the summer, but keep things clear during the winter, as I don't want it fucking up my natural lighting. Neat.

Bad scene: Me. Unforgiving 104 degree heat. Fred Meyer Bottle return. 4 machines total. 3 broken. A woman slowly feeds Tecate cans into the only functioning machine. She has two carts full. She looks painfully pregnant. Her mentally retarded teenage sister is holding a very young child. The child is crying and looks slightly sunburned. I'm next in line. I watch this. For nearly 30 minutes. For $6 worth of cans. SO NOT WORTH IT.

ZAQATTAQ

My parents departed early Sunday, so Kim and I had a chance to hit up the Escher exhibit at the Portland Art Museum. It was a wonderful collection. I enjoyed seeing his sketches. Some of them had a lot of eraser marks, which made me grin. Everyone makes mistakes. Right?