Deep in the heart of winter doldrums, things have been really relaxed around these parts.

First order of business -- my wonderful friend Sledg has taken up residence in my humble abode. I relocated my computer and let him have the executive office. He's been here about two weeks now and we're all having a great time. We've been playing the shit out of 1988's Ice Hockey. Sledgypants is quite good at the game, which pisses me off, as I thought I was the resident Ice Hockey megawizard. Guess not.

To celebrate Sledg's arrival, Ms. Kim and I threw a quaint little welcoming party. I wanted to do something fun, but I dislike 'theme' parties. My solution: lie to all the guests; tell each of them that it was a different 'theme' party -- lame sweater, cocktail attire, hawaiian shirts, etc. Myself, I went as cholo. Ms. Kim was a ladybug. A sexy ass ladybug. We served but the finest drinks -- Jäger, Tecate, Jack and Coke and ghetto Greyhounds (Vodka and generic Squirt). The party was an astounding success.

Even further back, Kim and I went to see Bearded Jon's band, The Yearling, play at a venue in Northeast Portland. I haven't been to a metal show in ages -- It pains me to say it, but I was so terribly out of place. Note to self -- don't wear fly-ass Jordans to a metal show. Anyway, the crew all showed up to watch Jon tear it up on drums. We drank Pabst in cans and made merry. Overall, the experience made me want to buy a really big amp. And earplugs.

Wamp Wamp.

In other news, I finally found an arcade cabinet. I've been looking for the past year or so. I've been yearning to get one so that I can plunk a computer in there and have an array of videogames at my disposal. The cabinet I acquired has been stripped down, but it should be fun to do some woodworking and wiring and such. We'll see.

Love you all.

Well my time here is up.

On Wednesday I start my journey back north, to the land of Awesome, Portland.

My Mom is coming down to visit her boyfriend and she is gonna pack her car with my stuff. Then I am going to pack my car with stuff. Then we will both travel north like an old-time wagon train. YEEHAW!

Im gonna hit Ashland in time to see my man-love Jon D's band, The Yearling, play. Im excited. Then the next day i shall brave the great Pacific North alone on up to Port-Town. I will be temporary roomfriends with Eric and Kim until i get on my feet. I cant wait to see what types of fun times we get up to. Im gonna say it now though: NO CHINIES AFTER 10PM ERIC.

After that I will be moving into a house with Fellow Former LAZERBEAMER and current CHINIES world champion, Wispy, as well as my loyal and good friend Garett. LAZERBEAMS Part 3 here we come!*

Then about a month after that, my super rad special lady girlfriend from Australia will make a pilgrimage to Portland to live for whole 1 year. YES!

So thats it and thats all for now. Just wanted to update everyone on how exciting my life is.

*Apparently Jeryl's brother, Roner, already started a LAZERBEAMS part 2 in Utah. Yeah, UTAH.

I've heard SLEDGY talk about Fred Ettish for ages, but have never been able to dig up any footage. Finally, I get to check another item off of my top-secret todo list, as Mr. Eli recently informed me that an youtube now has a video of Fred's professional fighting debut on UFC II in 1994.

The backstory is that Fred, a karate master, saw some coverage of UFC 1 in a magazine. He wanted to participate in UFC 2, as he had become disenfranchised with traditional 'point fighting' that was so commonplace in 1994. The Persian Dojo Syndicate ran unchecked in the early 1990s and had turned mid-level karate competitions into a mockery of what they once were. Well, Fred Ettish had had enough. Reaching for his own personal UFC rainbow, he wrote a really nice letter to the head of the UFC, Wilford Pickleton IV.

Wilford grasped his pipe and furrowed his brow further, as to bring the monocle closer to his pale eye. He read the letter and immediately threw his pipe aside as he grabbed the corldess phone out of it's cradle. With gusto, he dialed Fred's number and explained that the event was completely booked, but would keep him in mind for UFC 3.

However, the fates demanded that Fredly be able to show his ultimate fighting techniques, as they would likely become an inspiration to a whole new generation of fight-fighters (jumpfighters?). A few days later, Mr. Pickleton heard news by way of telegramiphone that Ken Shamrock had broken his goddamn hand while dovetailing two pieces of salvaged timber from a local mill that had shut down in the early 60s. He was making a box. A box to hold things most precious.

With Ken out of the running, an alternate had to be found. Fred Ettish would be that alternate.

Fred was paid $1000 plus travel and boarding to participate. He packed his 5 black belts and his mustache in a Bill Blass duffel bag that was given to him the previous Christmas and set off for Denver. When his aeroplane landed, he ate at an Cinnabon, strapped his five black belts on and gave his mustache a lucky eskimo kiss before affixing it to his face in the back of a cab. He checked in to his hotel, watched some Andy Griffith rerun on TV, walked to the McDonalds down the block, took a shower, tried to masturbate but fell asleep instead, thinking about sweep kicks, geometric shapes (rhombus vs. octagon) and the glorious chance to show off his god-given fight-fighting gift.

I went to my first NBA game last night. I absolutely loved it. Why I've never done this before, I don't know, but I'm hooked. We beat the Pistons by one point. Quite an intense second half....

My former boss and his wife have season tickets, and he called me yesterday to let me know they weren't going to the game, and did I want the tickets? Um, sure.
Next step, call the boy and ask if he's busy tonight. He says no big plans, wanted to maybe go to the bar and watch the game.
Oh, ok. How about we go watch the game at the Rose Garden? Big surprise, he said yes.
It was awesome. I even enjoyed my $8 beers.

We're going twice more this month.
I may even spring some mini-packs of tickets for next season....

With a glass of warm champagne and a with a fistfull of m80s, I bid farewell to 2008 in the company of friends. As I pondered the new year, I realized that I'm quite excited to see what pans out in 2009, but I can't help but think how much cooler 2010 will be -- if only because saying it sounds so fucking hi-tech -- twenty-ten. Speaking of which, where the fuck is my hoverboard? Science is bullshit.

The holidays are officially over. I like to keep things low-stress around this time of year and this holiday season was no exception. That said, work hasn't been very far from my mind. I'm working on an 'above and beyond' project with two coworkers. We're doing some pretty cool stuff with Flex and an PureMVC. It's taken me way more time than I had hope for to come up to speed (the guys I'm working with are ActionScript wizards), but it's been fun. I really want to be awesome at this stuff, so I've had to dedicate a lot of time to this. It's starting to make sense, which is immensely gratifying.

My actual Clausmas was splendid, but getting to that point was a bit stressful. The days leading up to it were snowy ones. The Portland area got absolutely dumped on. Portlanders have a dicey relationship with icy roads. It was pretty fun, but as the 25th approached, the reality set in that I'd have to make a very long journey down I-5. Two days prior to leaving, it dumped even more. Neat.

In case you were wondering just how fucking crazy it was, these videos explain it well: Part I. Part II. Part III. I'm just glad I survived.

As the departure day arrived, I chained up the Jetta, made a 6-hour MP3 mixtape and hit the road with Ms. Kim. Not even 400 yards from my front door, I slid sideways due to some serious ruts in the icesnow. I almost hit the car next to me. Fun. After gassing up, we finally made our way onto the highway that connects to I-5. The pavement was mostly clear, so I didn't think it would be all that bad. It wasn't until we hit the junction of 217 and I-5 that things started looking shitty. There were so many goodamn cars on the road and the bumper-to-bumper traffic was moving around 3mph. The pavement was comprised of a big sheet of ice with some seriously big holes punched in it, so the ride was less than comfortable, even at a slow pace.

Eventually, the slow clip of the moving cars degraded to stop and go action, which I believe is the absolute worst. The stretch of I-5 from Portland to Woodburn usually takes 20 minutes. On this voyage, it took a whopping 3 hours.

Overall, the trip, which usually takes just over 4.5 hours took us 9 hours to complete. Shit.

Once we made it down to Southern Oregon, things got a lot less hectic. We only stayed for 3 days, but we managed to take it pretty fucking easy. Much time was spent with my parents, imbibing cocktails and reminiscing while the snow quietly accumulated. I've only seen a few white Clausmases in my day, so this was a treat.

Clausmas day was equally relaxing and I made out like a bandit with some seriously good stuff (wireless keyboards, framed posters, a cigarette machine, extension cords, designer jeans, a new lucky ring, etc). However, I was really excited to give my gifts, one in particular to Ms. Kim. Clausmas was our 3-year anniversary.

This year, much like last, I decided to craft Ms. Kim a painting from a stencil. It measures 18"x24". I spent a huge amount of time designing it, but the tedious part of cutting it out took over 7 hours. I believe it turned out quite nicely. Only after I hung it did I notice that the canvas I used is crooked. I'm not too pleased about that fact. Check out http://nerdsmasher.com/show/crime-og_lincoln for more a more detailed picture.

My parents were kind enough to use their matting, glass cutting and construction skills to frame a bitchin' signed Melvins poster from a show I attended last summer. I'm incredibly pleased with the results.

The day after Christmas, we made the trip back up to Portland as Ms. Kim had to work. I cleaned the house, as my parents were coming up the very next day for a quick visit. They were kind enough to haul up a truckload of booty, or 'encumbrances' as my father likes to call it.

Now that I have my own dwelling, I finally got my parents to relinquish ownership of their antique cigarette machine that they lifted from the basement of an Ashland house they rented during the 70s. Neat.

My dad also brought up some wood that we used to assemble a kick-ass workbench in my garage. As we were drilling and hammering, I started looking at the wood. The main workbench surface was milled from trees harvested from the homestead. The shelving materials were salvaged from my the desk that used to reside in my old bedroom. I enjoy that. I also got my hands on a boatload of tools that I inherited awhile back, but never took ownership of. Gotta love more encumbrances.

I also retrieved one other peice of inheritance, but it really deserves an in-depth look. I'll save that for later.

On a side note, I recently stumbled across a wikipedia entry on Tristan da Cunha, which looks absolutely amazing. Check it out on Google maps. Zoom out.

So, to tie things up, it's 2009. What is my resolution? Well, I resolve to continue being awesome, to continue to not do meth and to document my life a little better. I made this resolution last year and quickly fell off the horse. I'm going to shoot for something biweekly. Maybe.

Best of luck in 2009, y'all.