Something is going to have to change. Very soon. I'm feeling so restless and so discontent these days. I cannot make myself settle down, and I'm not sure why. Part of it might be because I'm starting to fret about work; my orders end at the end of September and I'm not sure where I'll go to work after that. All I do know is that I'm making damn good money right now and barely scraping by, so it's almost guaranteed that where ever I go next, I'll need two jobs. Waitressing again, I can't wait.

But I think it's more than that. I think as unsettled as life feels right now, it's because I'm slowly settling. I was talking to Chris the other day and I mentioned I'm going home (to the Valley) in a few weeks. First time since New Year's. He sort of laughed, shook his head and said "I am home." It took me a minute before I realized he was talking about Portland. "This is my home now," he said. I tried to double back and explain to him that, while I do live in Portland now, and yeah, I guess it is my home, but the Valley will always be home, since that's where my parents are, that's where my friends and I will go back to, but then I stopped. For two reasons.

The first being, I'm pretty certain there is something about the Rogue Valley that sets it apart from anywhere else. Now I'm sure others will say the same thing about what ever place in the world they are from, but I've actually had people comment to me about the fact that people from the Valley seem to have an incredible ability to maintain connectivity to one another. there's something about that little part of Oregon that's just a little more special than others. So I will probably always refer to the Valley as "home," even when I'm gone and settled God-knows-where.

The second reason was this: I was completely caught off-guard by how definite he sounded when he said Portland was his home. I most certainly do not feel that way right now. Nor do I want to. I realized, as he said that to me, I'm not done. I'm far from it. Yes, I want to eventually be settled, but now? Dear God, no. There's way too much I haven't seen yet. I don't even know what I still want to see, but I know that I don't want to only see it from the streets of Portland.

See, I think part of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling is because I'm so damn comfortable here. I don't have to work for anything. My life has become such a routine, and any given night I can find one of my good friends available to go do something. Which isn't to say that I don't like having my friends; I love them. They're part of what makes my life incredible. But.--I don't even know how to articulate my thoughts from here.

Bottom line is this: I'm gonna have to get out. I don't want to jinx myself by saying things that will never happen, I'll do it now anyway. I'm toying with an idea. This idea includes Washington D.C. It could be what I need. Hell, it might not be what I need, but I won't know that until I'm free of here for awhile. No time soon, probably end of the year at the earliest.

But God, I can't handle this. This "settling" I'm feeling is more like the dirt settling down around me and trapping me where I'm at.


always.....

Coachella 07. Hot. Sweaty. More fun than I thought it would be.

Our Coachella started with the Comedians of Comedy who truly seemed very happy to be there. Zach Galifenakis, Brian Posehn, and Patto Oswalt lit that shit up. During Brians routine, I reached to my back to scratch an itch and accidently cup a short girls breast. I look behind me horrified and say " OH MY GOD. I AM SO SORRY." She said it was okay, but her boyfriends looks said otherwise. Sometime during the show, I lose my voice whicxh would make my chance to score some poon over the weekend very slim. I am sad.

Next was Of Montreal. Now I didn't care for any of their music untill I heard their new album. Despite it being very "hipster-ish" I found certain aspects of it very interesting. But seeing them live killed it. As wispy said and I agree, "They were the most unnecessarily gay band I've ever seen." I dont think I can listen to them anymore. Its like the singer hhas watched Hedwig and the Angry Itch too many times. I think my roommates who I just got done living with (who were a gay couple) would call these guys fags.

Next up was food, as there were not a band we wanted to watch during this timeslot. Me and wispy ate below satisfactory excuses for nachos that we paid 8 bucks for. Stephen Marley came on quite late during this timeslot which will come into play later.

I wanted to check out Peaches for a few minutes before Jesus and Mary Chain but Stephen Marley was still playing at the outdoor stage. So we head straight to the main stage to get good spots for Jesus and Mary Chain. They come on and rock it hard. Great show, and mother fuckin SCARLETT JOHANSSON comes out of nowhere and sings back-up on a song. We leave to catch PEEPING TOM.

PEEPING TOM YES PEEPING TOM. Danny Devito introduced them and they started with a bitchin ass bitchin cover of Desperate Situation by Marvin Gaye (Look it up on youtube if you don't believe me). Great set. Female beatboxer BUTTERSCOTCH was a fox as is Amani Coppola who does the female vocals for the band. Patton seemed like he was wasted and having a silly time, although it only made his performance that much better. Some of Dan the Automators equipment didn't work but he was great anyway. He was giving wine out to band members the whole show. YES YES YES. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS BAND GET INVITED TO OPEN FOR THE WHO?

Next up was an attempt to see Sonic Youth on the Outdoor Stage but things were running so far behind because of that stoner sad excuse for Bob Marley's son that we waited for a half an hour and then headed over to the main stage to get good spots for Bjork. Sonic Youth finally starts playing as we are between stages.

We get to the main stage and Bjork starts playing. After 3 songs the guys that me and Wisp came with (and got rides from) say that they are going in two songs. I'm devestated as she was the only headliner I cared to see. We walk away as she sings "Joga" and I want to cry. We get to the car with the expectations of "Beating the traffic" only to find that the parking lot is gridlocked with NO COACHELLA PERSONEL DIRECTING TRAFFIC. Afteer sitting in the same spot for close to an hour4 I decide to go fuck shit up and talk to whoever is in charge. I talk to someone, they don't beleove me, I tell them I'm not leaving until they come look at what I'm talking about. We both hop in a golf cart and go down there. 100 angry people get out of their cars and swarm the poor woman. I made my point. As Bjork is playing her final song (yeah they made me leave AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES EARLY), I want to kill myself. My throat hurts from trying to knock some sense into the coachella parking division. BULLSHIT

We get home, angry and tired.

If you are a nerd like me, you've heard about the Reiser murder case.

While reading nerd central (see also: slashdot.org), I found this comment:

"If he couldn't be bothered to clean up blood from his car and to get rid of his books on homicide, how the hell can we trust this guy to free memory on the heap?"

Which made me laugh lots.